The Claire-anator

It's been years since I've used this. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, methinks it could be time to start again?

I feel great and it's not just because of this beautiful weather either! I've been sober for 14 days! Go team me!

I've also re-assumed control of my finances from my mother. A really big step seeing how she's had complete control over them for the past 5 months. This is probably the scariest thing I've done in a while. But I think I'm ready. I don't want to end up in another deep rut ever again. Life's too short for that bullshit.

I am currently roommateless for the upcoming 07-08 school year. Not neccessarily an immediate problem. I have 3 months to find someone, I don't think that it'll be too hard. It's a great place on Mill St, you can actually step out the front door and pretty much take a piss right on Pulliam Hall. Plus Rent includes all utilities and is only $300 per person. 

I'm really excited that the first week of June is approaching. Having been a loyal Kroger employee for exactly one year (May 10th) I am entitled to one full week's paid vacation!! Which I'm taking right smack dab in the middle of intersession. I haven't made any plans yet, becuase I don't know how much I'm going to be able to afford to do. But at this point I don't care if I just lie around for a week and get paid for it, I'm psyched.

I am now the proud of owner of 6 Volkswagen hubcaps! Today Ryan went to the big yard sale at the arena and found a set of four volkswagen hubcaps from what I can tell was a late model Bus. After the cleaning process is complete I'm going to add them to the collection hanging on the wall. I know it's strange, but hubcaps look really good hung up on the wall.

And now for a quiet night of staying in..

I'm giving up drinking. I'm doing it. Starting four days ago I'm giving it up.

Right now I'm coming off the rough end of a patch of strep throat, which has helped me put somethings into perspective. Namely my health and the shape of my body. I'm sick of poisoning myself. I'm sick of most of my daily calories coming from budlight.

Today is day number 5, and as my health gets better I know it's going to get harder for me to resist, but I'm just hoping people understand that when I say I'm serious, I'm really serious, it's not up for discussion.

I'm not going to be any less of a person for giving up alcohol. In fact I'll probably be a better person. I'm not asking for anyone else to give up their drinking to follow me, if there's one thing I've learned it's that drinking is a personal choice.

I'm in a pre-emptive sour mood, because I know I'm going to catch a lot of crap from people who have gotten used to me drinking or providing their alcohol for them. But I really don't care. I can't remember the last time I went four days without drinking and I'm not gonna wait until the next time I get myself hauled up on my parents couch to let this oppourtunity pass me by. I've got a good start here. Don't like it? Not my fucking problem.

They printed it!!! Yay!

clickity click!

The Daily Egyptian told me yesterday that they were publishing this letter I wrote and they wanted to talk to me about it. Since they've done neither, I'm publishing it everyway a kid with a computer can. I'm also sending it to the Southern Illinoisian.

I really feel strongly about this.
Honestly, how many more people need to die or sustain injury before anyone with power realizes that the problem may be the layout of the street itself? I believe that the University and the City need to work together to make the street that bridges the two communities safer for anyone who needs to use it.

Elizabeth C. Hughes
Student at John A. Logan College
and a Carbondale Native
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This is a true story that happened to me at John A. Logan

Me: Hi, I've tried to change my major now 3 times and it still hasn't gone through
Lady behind desk: Okay, I just need you to fill out one of these forms
Me: I've filled out 3 of these forms already, can I please just talk to the guy who changes majors?
Lady: Sure he's in room 202

So I proceed to room 202

Me: Hi, I've tried to change my major now 3 times and it still hasn't gone through
Dumbass: Okay, what's your name?
Me: Elizabeth Hughes
Dumbass: Oh yeah, I've been meaning to call you for a couple weeks now.
Me: (Okay, so why didn't you?) Is something wrong?
Dumbass: Uh yeah, we don't offer Anthropology as a major.
Me: Excuse me? My advisor and the VA office told me I need to change my major to Anthropology
Dumbass: Yeah, it's not offered in the degree program
Me: So how am I going to get my Anthropology classes covered if you don't offer it?
Dumbass: You can sign up to be a general studies major
Me: Okay can I sign up to be a general studies major
Dumbass: No
Me: Excuse me?
Dumbass: Our computers are down, come back next week.
Me: Ummmm....look, guy, I am about to lose half my monthly income because my major for a majority of the month has been History. I have done everything I'm supposed to, and because you didn't call me I'm about to be in a lot of hot water. (You douchebag retard!!!!)
Dumbass: Well it's not your fault.
Me:  (!@$%*)


This is the point where I about lose control and start screaming at the guy. But I didn't. I just made him write me a note telling me it was his fault that my major wasn't changed. He wasn't too happy about it, but hopefully the VA will accept it. 

Seriously, my advisors and the Veterans Affairs office told me that I could be an anthropology major. I swear everyone at this school has suffered major brain injuries.  It would have been nice to know the first 3 times I tried to change my major that the major didn't exist.
I can't believe the purpose of this institution is to educate. Because maybe they should start with their employees.

But at least I got the guy to admit he was a retard.

Claire: 1
John A. Logan Retards: 4

"woke up way to late feeling hungover and old
and the sun was shining bright as I walked barefoot down the road"
-Ben Folds

I actually woke up rather early, which surprised me because I consumed a whole pot of coffee right before I went to bed. Just to see if I could.
I got a ton of homework done last night, probably because I was so wired.

Today I am going to look at an apartment for next school year with my current roommate, Lana. My parents have once again indicated that they'd rather I not live with them next year. Which is totally Kosher with me. I'd rather not have a curfew and a snooping mom. I'm just praying that they don't run a credit check.

Pony's here now. We're skating off to class now.

My brain hurts.

There aren't enough parking spots in my driveway.

My car won't start. The radio doesn't work, and the alarm woke me up 5 times the night before last.

The only time I ever write in my LJ is when I'm pissed off or bored.

I don't want to go to college.

I want to loose 40 lbs.

I want a different life.

I want to go away.

I don't update a lot anymore, mostly because work, this update is me killing time before I have to meet a teacher.

I just started a unplanned semester at John A., I don't really want to be here again, but I owe SIU like $800 before I can sign up for classes. It seems like such a small amount, $800, but I don't have it. Anywhere. So to make it easy on myself I'm only taking 6 hours at JALC, or 2 classes, and I can't tell you how nice that is! I work hella hours at Kroger, but I'm still in school and I feel like my life is actually starting to take a direction.

I had to change my major to Anthropology for the semester, because my JALC financial aid wouldn't cover this really awesome Anthro class I'm in unless it was part of my degree program. When I get back to SIU next semester (here's hoping I win the lottery) I'm going back to history, and maybe minoring in Anthro.

I could really use my W-2s right about now. Seeing how it's the last day of January they're supposed to be here by now. I'm getting a good amount back this year because I had an actual job this year. Not like I can spend it. I'm getting my iPod fixed, (new battery) and then the rest is going to getting collection agencies and landlords off my back. Did anyone else get theirs from SIU already?

I'm going to take the rest of the semester one day at a time. I'm not grown up yet, but I'm getting there. I still have much to learn. But I still have much left to party. And a healthy balance of the two is the only thing that'll get me through this semester.

Here's to anti-depressants, booze, weed, and nursing my drive to succeed back to full health.

Got an e-mail a few hours ago from my favorite professor Dr. Davidson. He was also the instructor for my 392 class, a very important class that I never really finished. He's letting me turn in my work from the uncompleted class and he's still willing to give me an A!! Can you believe it? I took that class almost a year ago!

I might really be on to this History thing!

I'm so full of self esteem now I think I could burst!

God, if I hadn't peeked back, I wouldn't have been able to tell you when the last time I updated was. Man I guess I'm busier than I thought.

I survived the holidays alright. Got away with a crockpot, a new pair of crocs (hell yeah!), and season 2 of "The Nanny" on DVD.

I've been working an average of 42 hours a week since Thanksgiving, and to be honest with you I have no complaints about Kroger...okay...not a complete truth, they don't pay me enough. I still can't see my way around making ends meet. So I've turned all my finances over to the very capable hands of my mother. She has revoked my debit card, check book, and set up a direct deposit account so that all my paychecks go straight into my account which I have no access to whatsoever. On the upside, bills will get paid, on the downside I'm on a $20-per-week budget...

...Forcing me to give up all the pleasures: beer, weed, and CDs. Fuck, what was I thinking!? :-D

I'm only going to be taking one class at John A. Logan this semester, speech. Not a very useful class, but alas a required one, and at least I get to take it with my Pony!! I think school will have to wait a few semesters. I'm not giving up on my passionate love of History. But in these past few months I've realized that I'm not ready for college, not because I'm stupid, but because I'm just not ready!!! I will finish school and I'll be the most awesome badass in the field of Modern American History!!! So put that in yo' pipe and smoke it!

In other news, the guitar lessons really paid off even though I stopped going. With the basics I learned in my lessons I've been able to learn myself everything I need to know to become a superstar.  Ask me sometime to play some Bob Marley for ya, it's awesome it sounds just like the White Stripes and the grateful dead...let's face it folks, the road to superstardom is long and paved with many obsticles...now if I can only figure out how to stop losing my pick inside the guitar.

Alrighty then, if y'all wanna catch a laugh check me out at your local neighborhood Kroger, I'm always there and I always enjoy a good bothering. And remember friends -- Every first Wednesday is senior citizens day!

Please visit  https://www.lighttounite.org/ and light the silly virtual candle. For every virtual candle lit, Bristol-Myers Squibb, the pharmaceutical monolith that charges nearly $1,000 for a 30 day supply of one of its HIV/AIDS medications (but that's beside this particular point), is donating $1 to the National AIDS Fund.

Y'all know that I rarely promote this stuff, but this is serious, and AIDS is frightening.

It's been lonely around here since everybody went home for the week. It's just Bryce and me at the apartment but we almost never run into each other because our schedules are so different. Although yesterday he and I and Tony cleaned up the apartment a little before I had to go to work, and then Tony serenaded us with some Pink Floyd songs that he's learning on the guitar.

Other than that, things have been okay. Nothing new or stunning to report, and the way my life has been lately that's a good thing.

I'm working on Turkey day, but I requested to. I'll be done with work before dinner, and that's all that matters. I have to work in an hour, but hopefully I'll get to chill with Pony when I get off work. I should shower, and put my contacts in.

And that's my post.

I feel like updating. Things haven't been the peachiest, but I'm starting to think that they never will be satisfactory. [enter life lesson #462 stage left]

My cell phone's been shut off, so if you've been trying to reach me only to get the 'disconected announcement' please comment and I'll give you my temporary trac-phone number. (But only if you promise never to call, leave a message, text message or even look at my phone, everything costs a quarter per minute/text/angry glare...j/k)

I don't want to be in school anymore. I hate school. I want to drop out and
get another couple of jobs. Fuck school. I came, I tried, I sucked.

I washed, waxed, vacuumed and detailed the jetta this weekend. Took me most of my spare time but it was relaxing and quite enjoyable. It saddens me to think that I only have a few more months left with her, I'll have to get a new screen name, e-mail address, and domain name!!!

Halloween weekend was pretty cool, random booze, some random costumes, and drunk people passing out on the floor of my apartment, which I was among, but after the first night of drinking I gave up for the rest of the weekend, which was just fine with me, I seriously don't want to drink anymore it doesn't do anything but make me depressed. I don't need help with that.

I need to find something constructive to do with myself. I need to find something I enjoy that I can do guilt free without the looming cloud of debt hanging over my head. [que my mom's voice] "How in the hell can you take guitar lessons when you owe so many people so much money?" [que my strategically placed middle finger]

"You wasted life why would you waste the afterlife?" - modest mouse

I have a feeling I'm about to lose my life to virtual reality. I just signed up for secondlife...It's all over.

Game over man.

Game over.

[Here goes my future]

**update**

Just signed up for guitar lessons 5 minutes ago.

Did the whole train-chicago-paul simon concert thing this weekend. It was pretty wicked. I had no idea that paul simon was so short, and had such tiny feet!! Had a better than expected time rockin' the suburbs, but I'm secretly sure as shit glad I'm back on my side of the state. By day four the sight of strip malls and beemer SUVs started to make me feel ill.

I came home to find the stick of RAM I finally ordered for my computer had arrived. I don't know why I didn't just break down and do the whole memory upgrade thing sooner. But now that I have I'm fucking syked, the piece of crap is actually working now. Next step, external hard drive, so maybe I won't have to wipe the damn thing clean 3x a year.

Now I'm just killing time before work. I have a fairly light schedule this week, tonight's the latest I work. So despite it being vulture fest and bioneers weekend if anyone is down for a bonfire at my place, please let me know, I'd love to throw one.

So I decided today that I'm going to switch my major from History to History Education once I get back to SIU. I love history, but I've decided that to really take it to the extreme would require a minimum of 6 additional years of schooling after I finish my bachelors degree (which in itself is a minimum of 2 years, if I'm lucky).

I'm just ready to work a job, I'm not throwing out completely the idea of advancing my education to the graduate level. There's no law that says I can't get my teaching certificate, teach for a few years, and then go back to grad school when I'm ready. In fact thinking about my future in that manner is kinda exciting.

I never had any good history teachers when I was in high school or middle school. I don't think there are too many. History is a difficult subject to make fun, but it's possible. (Anyone who sat through one of Davidson's “shit n' sex” lectures knows exactly what I'm talking about!)

I feel so motivated when I think about doing school this way. I used to detest the idea of going to school only to be herded into a career, but now I don't think I mind as much, I just need a change.

And now I'm going to make some dinner.

I'm about to start bawling my eyes out. I just tried to load my supercoolmultimediamoviepresentation from my history 392 class and it got ruined in the big computer wipe of 2006. I have captions but lost all my pics, music, clips, and things that made it the bomb diggity. That night and a half of no sleep! All the copyright infringement laws I broke! ALL THE MONEY I SPENT ON CANS OF MOTIVATIONY RED BULL GOODNESS!!! gone.

Excuse me while I go stick my head in the oven and wonder if I should just call it quits on this whole college thing.